Tuesday, March 30, 2010

How Can I Be A Millionaire When I Can't Keep My Toddler's Diaper On?

This is the question that has been plaguing me for the past couple of weeks. My 16 month old son is obsessed with touching his privates and will remove his diaper and/or clothes at any given opportunity. Changing his diaper is like trying to dress a baby pig / octopus creature who has been slathered in baby oil. I'm not by any means a novice diaper changer either. I have two older boys, but never have I ever had this much trouble.

Now I consider myself to be an intelligent woman and an experienced mother. Before my children were born I had a great job, making great money. When I decided to stay home with my kids, I built 100 websites that combined made up to $4,000 a month. I built websites and sold them for profits, now I can't accomplish a single productive thing at home.

My husband and I watch that show called The Millionaire Matchmaker. We laugh at all of the crazy millionaires. There was this one show with this millionaire that they called "Gummy Bear". He was filthy rich and even more eccentric. He had a monkey that wore a diaper and wore really dark, big sunglasses and walked with a cane even though he was not at all blind. The guy was STRANGE.

Now that I'm 39, I'm ready to be filthy rich. I want to be so rich that I'll wear a diaper and the monkey will wear a tuxedo. Everyone will just say that I'm "eccentric". My husband and I have developed a master plan to rule the world. It involves buying and selling real estate. Today was day one of our "rule the world" plan and the only thing that I was supposed to do was to email a guy on some property that he has for sale. I spent the entire day chasing around my toddler, trying like hell to keep his clothes and his diaper on.

I think that I may have a solution to the diaper issue that will allow me to begin my journey into millionaire-dom. I think I'm going to go by the hardware store tomorrow and buy a roll of duct tape. See, I'm from the south and if you can't fix it with duct tape, it can't be fixed. Will update you as to my progress on world domination soon. Looks like I'm not the first person to come up with this idea!

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